Sunday, July 6, 2008

July 6, 2008

Something happened today. Something amazing. Something unexpected. Something bittersweet. For many years I hovered between being depressed and being resigned. I floated from day to day, allowing life to unfold around me, while I waited for...well, I'm not sure WHAT I was waiting for. When I met Michael, much of that changed. I felt very much ALIVE again...very much a woman...very much loved. I suddenly found the strength to start over; to reinvent myself as a mother and then as a wife. I was very content. Part of that new beginning meant reconnecting with my children. I have tried in a number of ways to do just that--and to some extent, I have succeeded. I've paid attention to things I never had before. Today, though, I had an epiphany. Michael and I took the kids to a local creek to catch tadpoles, frogs, minnows and salamanders. I looked at Michael wading in the water, Kaeleigh in tow, as the two searched the water for tiny fish. I saw Brendan smiling as he raised a crayfish to the sky, studying the creature from underneath. I watched Willow, our chocolate lab, skip across the creek bed, splashing and barking. I was content in a way I don't think I've ever been before. And then it hit me. In that simple moment, I realized that I had finally stopped waiting. I was finally living life instead of allowing it to happen around me. I realized that I am, indeed, very, very happy.

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